kipple effect

I have a crystal clear image burned into my mind, a new favorite memory.

my little one started kindergarten yesterday. she's been beside herself for a week with excitement, wanting to try on all her new school clothes and wear her new shoes to play in the dirt.

she was uncertain for a moment about being left in this new place, but she settled into the new routine with her usual alacrity. I like her teacher, I think she'll be encouraged to learn the way she needs to be. she's a little sponge. she remembers things. she loves doing stuff, all kinds of stuff.

I've carried her little smiling face around in my head since yesterday, her eyes big and round and looking up at me, radiating love and trust. her face on the first day of kindergarten is my new favorite memory.

her daddy never called.

there are common threads in Colorado state agencies that I find interesting. I called to find out if the family support registry plans to collect the (now) over $5000 in child support arrears, and they plan to collect only $200 per month. I pointed out to them that it will take over 2 years to collect it, and I've borrowed money to cover it that is costing me more than that per month just in interest, and doesn't it seem like I've been used long enough as a revolving credit account for a man who has money to pay?

today I got a packet of papers from my lawyer. I can't begin to convey the feeling of relief I have that I have someone taking care of this for me. it's worth all the money I went into debt for to make this happen.

if I was my ex, I'd piss myself. then I'd go get a lawyer. the main point of getting a lawyer would be to stop me (if I were him) from doing more stupid stuff. since I'm me and he's himself, I don't know what he'll do, but I know he'll think I'm not being fair. he'll complain to people about what a bitch I am. he'll get scared because his lies are getting looked at. then he'll either start looking for a lawyer, or he'll put every ounce of his energy into ignoring the situation, because when you ignore something hard enough, it might just go away.

I figured I wouldn't get a response, and I didn't. all part of his game, a petulant, albeit weak, power-play. next morning, I emailed him and said since I'm catching a plane, call me by noon and let me know when he sent the papers so I'd know they're on the way, or tell me I can pick them up. I concluded the message that if he didn't respond, I'd just assume he wants me to file the motion to find him in contempt.

while I was on the plane, he left 3 messages. I caught his 4th call as I was leaving the terminal. he had the papers for me to pick up.

I decided to run a test on my Narcissist. he's playing a game with me, he's lost control and he's fighting for every nail-hold he still has. last week the magistrate told him to mail me the financial documents I'd subpeona'd, which he'd refused to disclose for the previous 4 months. he's played this game all along, and I know he's sweating. he doesn't want me to know how much money he gets from his trust fund and what stock options he hid when we divorced, because I've caught him out in a few lies already.