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family court: a soul-sucking nightmare with a happy ending

today I feel really good. the fact that I feel really good today throws into sharp relief how NOT good I've been feeling for the last five years.

the bad feelings twisted my gut and interrupted my sleep and concentration. that's what happens when you deal with PTSD and you find yourself in a constant battle to stop an abusive ex-spouse with a personality disorder from destroying your family.

and yes, he did try, and I paid dearly for it in lost sleep, nightmares, anxiety, and physical pain. our children paid for it with emotional scars from my narcissistic ex's efforts to win their devotion and admiration, or, as the family evaluator stated it "inappropriate alienating behavior" by teaching our kids that "the use of conflict is a means by which one may achieve one's desires".

the high cost of endlessly riding the legal merry-go-round

the custody issue is settled. my children now have a court-appointed parenting time advocate: their therapist. I feel like that's a huge win in this resource-sucking war.

I have no illusions about how this is going to work out, however. I used to dream that my narcissistic ex would consider the kids feelings. that he would try to get to know them. that he would realize, maybe, that the world doesn't revolve around him.

the day of judgment is upon us

I've had so much to write about lately, but a great deal of fear over committing it to writing and sharing it publicly, mostly because my life, and the lives of my children, have been upended and shaken during the last few months and saying anything during the court-ordered family evaluation seemed unwise at best. I was also in the process of getting myself assessed for an autistic spectrum disorder. I am one of those individuals that falls into the part of the spectrum called Asperger's Syndrome. as it turns out, my son is one, too. more on that another day; back to the subject at hand...

waiting game

court is just a couple of weeks away, and the intimidation tactics have started. my narcissistic ex and his lawyer have asked for financial documents for the past 3 years for both my spouse and myself.

not cool. not cool at all.

lost and found

I can't believe it's been almost a year and a half since I've added to my story.

it's not like nothing's been going on. I've packed in so many life changing events in the past 16 months, I'm not sure how I survived.

I think one reason that I stopped writing was fear that my blog would be used against me in court, to try to make me look crazy. I'm over that at this point. I have enough documentation to prove I'm not crazy, and I feel like this story needs to be told because I can't be the only person who's ever had to deal with this. it's lonely. finding out you're not insane -- that you just feel that way because you've been manipulated for so long -- it frees you to move on with your life.

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