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my Narcissist thinks he's a sensitive guy

his myspace page starts out "I am sensitive guy"... never mind that it makes him sound like a whiny neanderthal. I'm hung up on the word sensitive.

what does it mean that he's sensitive? Narcissists have no empathy, so when they feel, it's only the slights and criticism of others against them that they feel. if their children are hurt, their feelings are a result of the impact on their self-image -- embarrassment, irritation, rage, pride (that they made some recognition for their child possible by their very existance as the parent).

less grey matter


pathological liars have less grey matter than average folk. I always wondered why my Narcissist didn't seem to go through the same thought processes that I did... like he skipped entire chunks of reasoning before spewing bullshit out of his mouth.


we need a loaf of bread

the Narcissist got his pile of money the other day... $7100 courtesy of his inheritance, the Almighty Trust Fund.

in contrast, I'm told by the family support registry there's nothing they can do to collect the child support arrears beyond letting his employer take it from his paycheck. currently they're sending $20 extra each month. in 21 years, he'll be caught up.

unfortunately I can't wait that long. I'm hitting bottom financially, that horrible place where you see your money coming in, but you're so behind on everything and the terrible dance you do each month to keep one thing or another out of collections has become so complex, the accompanying sinister drumbeat that demands you keep time so fast and confused you can't keep step.

it will crumble into senseless flailing any minute.

my credit used to be good. I like to pay my bills. I like to save money.

this weekend, I'll try to scrape together enough change from under the couch cushions to buy a loaf of bread.

if I hadn't studied the world of narcissism, this would make no sense to me, how it could be completely acceptable to play and eat while your children are in danger of losing their home. but I understand it, I understand it has no meaning for him. none.

he doesn't return phone calls or read mail that he doesn't want to. he's been ordered by the court to call for a vocational assessment immediately. he's been ordered to produce documents. I think at this point he believes these orders don't really apply to him, that they have no place or meaning in his life because he doesn't want them to.

what will happen, I wonder. I have no faith that the scale can be tipped to a point of balance. there is no balance in my world, where this Narcissist runs amok. his self-absorbtion is so heavy that his end of the beam has been pulled all the way to hell. my hope is that I can extricate myself from this hell in court.

just one more hearing. one chance to be heard and an impartial judge to hear me.


I didn't see it, therefore it either (a) doesn't exist, or (b) it's your fault

all those years I lived with my Narcissist, I learned a Very Important Truth:

if he didn't know something or do something, it was either because (a) it didn't actually exist in his universe or (b) I'd failed somehow to make sure he knew or did what he was supposed to.

my lion tattoo

when I turned 40, I got a lion tattoo. a lion rampant, holding the sun in its paws. to me, it represents my spirit. I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.

that year, my life changed more than it had at any time during the 15 years before, which is saying a lot. I'd had two children during those previous years, but this year I started to wake out of a stupor and see my husband for what he is.

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