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domestic abuse

Prolonged Exposure Therapy: Session 3

this session was downright painful. it was painful because I had to face the pain I'd been running from for years. it was the pain that marked a cross-roads in my life, or could have, had I been in a position to make decisions for myself.

it was twelve years ago, and a simple mistake was blown out of proportion when I embarrassed "The Ministry". that's what we called it. that's how we thought of it, with a capital T and M, as significant in our lock-stepped, cult-conditioned minds as the difference between a sculpted god of the pantheon and the "One True God".

Prolonged Exposure Therapy: Session 2

I experienced an unfortunate glitch in my treatment protocol when I discovered that my iPhone's voice recorder application is basically worthless. the recording of session one was there, I swear! then I synched and suddenly it was two seconds long.

sigh.

since my only homework following session one was to listen to the recording once, I figured I could just as easily read the handout. so I did. and it was good! this jumped out at me:

... if you believe that experiencing flashbacks is a sign that you are losing control, you may try very hard to push the traumatic memories out of your mind. However, the more you try to push these memories away, the more they will intrude on your consciousness and the less control you will actually have over the memories.

Prolonged Exposure Therapy: Session 1

today was my first session of Prolonged Exposure Therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder.

I hope it is the first step to getting my life back.

today's session covered the protocol for imaginal exposure and in vivo exposure as well as a relaxation breathing exercise. the therapy is designed to expose the boogy-man to the light of day, so to speak.

family court: a soul-sucking nightmare with a happy ending

today I feel really good. the fact that I feel really good today throws into sharp relief how NOT good I've been feeling for the last five years.

the bad feelings twisted my gut and interrupted my sleep and concentration. that's what happens when you deal with PTSD and you find yourself in a constant battle to stop an abusive ex-spouse with a personality disorder from destroying your family.

and yes, he did try, and I paid dearly for it in lost sleep, nightmares, anxiety, and physical pain. our children paid for it with emotional scars from my narcissistic ex's efforts to win their devotion and admiration, or, as the family evaluator stated it "inappropriate alienating behavior" by teaching our kids that "the use of conflict is a means by which one may achieve one's desires".

I wish there was a Solomon

my narcissist has got a game on. it's so good I think his lawyer told him how to play it. he's filed for full legal custody of our son. if he wins, that means the support system I built for our son goes down the toilet. he won't have to take our son to his therapist. I won't get to give any input on my son's education or mental health treatment.

all it takes in our state is for the parents to have an uncooperative relationship for the court to terminate shared legal custody. so, he's being an asshole, telling me I'm too difficult to communicate with, ignoring my email requests for information about my son's activities and treatment. I even tried calling him to find out why he wants full legal custody, and he hung up on me.

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