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child support

Hello World

it happened again... one of those long, long spells where I just couldn't bring myself to write any of the crap down.

so it's been almost a year. that's not a record for me, though, surprisingly enough. but "Hello" anyway, I'm back... today at least... so I'll engage in a little catching up.

lost and found

I can't believe it's been almost a year and a half since I've added to my story.

it's not like nothing's been going on. I've packed in so many life changing events in the past 16 months, I'm not sure how I survived.

I think one reason that I stopped writing was fear that my blog would be used against me in court, to try to make me look crazy. I'm over that at this point. I have enough documentation to prove I'm not crazy, and I feel like this story needs to be told because I can't be the only person who's ever had to deal with this. it's lonely. finding out you're not insane -- that you just feel that way because you've been manipulated for so long -- it frees you to move on with your life.

"I was wrong."

it's like a broken record.

"I was wrong to do that".

somewhere in there I lost one of my kids

december was a busy month... got through the last hearing plus aftermath and the holidays. still have legal mop-up to do.

happy new year.

my ex-husband did not attend the hearing. the judge decided my requests were not reasonable and made my lawyer present my case as if my ex was in the room. she eventually decided to recalculate alimony and child support based on imputed wages for the ex, so I was successful in getting the court to recognize that he's underemployed by choice. the judge then proceeded to calculate new support amounts, and reduced child support by $100 per month.

we need a loaf of bread

the Narcissist got his pile of money the other day... $7100 courtesy of his inheritance, the Almighty Trust Fund.

in contrast, I'm told by the family support registry there's nothing they can do to collect the child support arrears beyond letting his employer take it from his paycheck. currently they're sending $20 extra each month. in 21 years, he'll be caught up.

unfortunately I can't wait that long. I'm hitting bottom financially, that horrible place where you see your money coming in, but you're so behind on everything and the terrible dance you do each month to keep one thing or another out of collections has become so complex, the accompanying sinister drumbeat that demands you keep time so fast and confused you can't keep step.

it will crumble into senseless flailing any minute.

my credit used to be good. I like to pay my bills. I like to save money.

this weekend, I'll try to scrape together enough change from under the couch cushions to buy a loaf of bread.

if I hadn't studied the world of narcissism, this would make no sense to me, how it could be completely acceptable to play and eat while your children are in danger of losing their home. but I understand it, I understand it has no meaning for him. none.

he doesn't return phone calls or read mail that he doesn't want to. he's been ordered by the court to call for a vocational assessment immediately. he's been ordered to produce documents. I think at this point he believes these orders don't really apply to him, that they have no place or meaning in his life because he doesn't want them to.

what will happen, I wonder. I have no faith that the scale can be tipped to a point of balance. there is no balance in my world, where this Narcissist runs amok. his self-absorbtion is so heavy that his end of the beam has been pulled all the way to hell. my hope is that I can extricate myself from this hell in court.

just one more hearing. one chance to be heard and an impartial judge to hear me.

please.

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