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I'd piss myself, I really would

today I got a packet of papers from my lawyer. I can't begin to convey the feeling of relief I have that I have someone taking care of this for me. it's worth all the money I went into debt for to make this happen.

if I was my ex, I'd piss myself. then I'd go get a lawyer. the main point of getting a lawyer would be to stop me (if I were him) from doing more stupid stuff. since I'm me and he's himself, I don't know what he'll do, but I know he'll think I'm not being fair. he'll complain to people about what a bitch I am. he'll get scared because his lies are getting looked at. then he'll either start looking for a lawyer, or he'll put every ounce of his energy into ignoring the situation, because when you ignore something hard enough, it might just go away.

endgame

I figured I wouldn't get a response, and I didn't. all part of his game, a petulant, albeit weak, power-play. next morning, I emailed him and said since I'm catching a plane, call me by noon and let me know when he sent the papers so I'd know they're on the way, or tell me I can pick them up. I concluded the message that if he didn't respond, I'd just assume he wants me to file the motion to find him in contempt.

while I was on the plane, he left 3 messages. I caught his 4th call as I was leaving the terminal. he had the papers for me to pick up.

testing...

I decided to run a test on my Narcissist. he's playing a game with me, he's lost control and he's fighting for every nail-hold he still has. last week the magistrate told him to mail me the financial documents I'd subpeona'd, which he'd refused to disclose for the previous 4 months. he's played this game all along, and I know he's sweating. he doesn't want me to know how much money he gets from his trust fund and what stock options he hid when we divorced, because I've caught him out in a few lies already.

wow, you're dumb

ok, so my Narcissistic ex-husband with a capital N has a myspace page (what good Narcissist wouldn't?), and I check it once in a while to see if there's any useful dirt. there never is.

breaking free from the disordered

I realized something. something important, so important that this past month I've become a person I've never met before.

my ex husband is a Narcissist. yes, with a capital N. not your garden-variety ego, but a shattered, disordered, defective mind.

my own insanity suddenly makes sense. I felt a weird shift, almost like that feeling you get on a rope swing when you manage to get it going so high the rope slackens before gravity pulls you back, and you let go so that you float, with no handhold, no grasp on anything tangible.

you float.

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