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family court: a soul-sucking nightmare with a happy ending

today I feel really good. the fact that I feel really good today throws into sharp relief how NOT good I've been feeling for the last five years.

the bad feelings twisted my gut and interrupted my sleep and concentration. that's what happens when you deal with PTSD and you find yourself in a constant battle to stop an abusive ex-spouse with a personality disorder from destroying your family.

and yes, he did try, and I paid dearly for it in lost sleep, nightmares, anxiety, and physical pain. our children paid for it with emotional scars from my narcissistic ex's efforts to win their devotion and admiration, or, as the family evaluator stated it "inappropriate alienating behavior" by teaching our kids that "the use of conflict is a means by which one may achieve one's desires".

the high cost of endlessly riding the legal merry-go-round

the custody issue is settled. my children now have a court-appointed parenting time advocate: their therapist. I feel like that's a huge win in this resource-sucking war.

I have no illusions about how this is going to work out, however. I used to dream that my narcissistic ex would consider the kids feelings. that he would try to get to know them. that he would realize, maybe, that the world doesn't revolve around him.

the day of judgment is upon us

I've had so much to write about lately, but a great deal of fear over committing it to writing and sharing it publicly, mostly because my life, and the lives of my children, have been upended and shaken during the last few months and saying anything during the court-ordered family evaluation seemed unwise at best. I was also in the process of getting myself assessed for an autistic spectrum disorder. I am one of those individuals that falls into the part of the spectrum called Asperger's Syndrome. as it turns out, my son is one, too. more on that another day; back to the subject at hand...

why were you in my dream, John Barrowman?

last night I had one of those very vivid, detailed dreams. I woke up hoping it wouldn't just slip away, but give me time to ponder hidden symbols, so I'm at my computer earlier than I wanted to be.

my ex was in the dream, and so was my mother. we all lived in an apartment. it was the same apartment I lived in with my ex when I decided to divorce him.

people who bluster over stupid shit

I've been really busy with assessments for both my kid and myself, but had to take a minute to post this dialog between me and my neighbor that occurred just a while ago.

I've been dealing with his control issues since we moved in. he has pruned my trees without permission and given me endless and unwanted advice on my yard, even admonishing me that I should keep it so it fits in with the neighborhood (more on that another time).

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