Skip to Content

I wish there was a Solomon

my narcissist has got a game on. it's so good I think his lawyer told him how to play it. he's filed for full legal custody of our son. if he wins, that means the support system I built for our son goes down the toilet. he won't have to take our son to his therapist. I won't get to give any input on my son's education or mental health treatment.

all it takes in our state is for the parents to have an uncooperative relationship for the court to terminate shared legal custody. so, he's being an asshole, telling me I'm too difficult to communicate with, ignoring my email requests for information about my son's activities and treatment. I even tried calling him to find out why he wants full legal custody, and he hung up on me.

so, now we'll go to court and he'll say that we can't cooperate and our relationship is combative, and the court will give him full legal custody. yep, it's in our statutes that that's what the court does when parents can't cooperate.

so, he rigged it pretty well. seven mediation meetings in three years, and he hasn't kept his word on anything.

unless I remind him, call him, email him.

oh, but that's combative. it's harassment. well goddammit, my son should go to school. I should get to see him when I'm scheduled to. he should go to the dentist regularly. he shouldn't be allowed to roam freely, not at his age and not with his learning disability.

I won't ask the court for custody. my son can't come back home as long as it would open the door for the kind of abuse we suffered before. my ex would use him again to hurt me, and it would hurt all of us, just like it did before.

I wish there was a Solomon, who could see what I'm trying to do. I let him go, sent him to his dad, so that he wouldn't destroy himself, and the rest of us.

it broke my heart when he said "I'm going to make you hate me so that you'll send me to live with my dad". it broke my heart and terrified me when he told me he was going to kill his sister, then raised his fist to me, because he wanted to be with his dad.

I gave him his dream, his fantasy. he got to go live with the only person in the universe who understood him... the person who now neglects him. leaves him at home by himself when there's no school. doesn't get his teeth taken care of until the pain prompts me to send emails and make phone calls. watches tv or goes to the gym while our kid spends hour after mindless hour playing online games.

I thought it would be better for him to be neglected than to believe in a person who doesn't exist. I thought it would help him find a toehold in reality. I thought it would work if he stayed in therapy, kept his support system... I thought, maybe he'll grow up ok if he has those things.

that all might be gone in a month. and I have to let it happen because he can't come back here to live. we wouldn't survive that.