Skip to Content

when someone can't parent....

I'm faced with a dilemma.

I have her address, her phone number, her work address. I've seen a picture of her house. I even know her professional specialty and that she has a jacuzzi.

she's a counselor, an addictions therapist. this I find ironic. I've chuckled off and on about it since I dug up the info earlier today.

yet it angers me. here is a woman who should know better than to do what she's already been a party to.

she traveled over a thousand miles to share in visitation with my kids... and I didn't find out until they showed up to drop my kids off, afterward... my ex, his woman, and her son.

what is she thinking?

my son had asked me, if you knew she was coming, would you have let us go with dad? I told him I don't know, I know nothing about Ronda. it's been kept a secret from me, so I just don't know. I like things to be honest and in the open. my son admitted he knew ahead of time and didn't tell me because he thought I wouldn't let them go. he felt bad for keeping a secret.

I explained it was up to his dad to be honest about things. if he was afraid secrets would ruin things, then he could tell his dad to talk to me about it.

he told me that Ronda and her son waited at Starbucks while his dad picked them up... he figured it was so I wouldn't find out she was here.

so, when I found out she counsels families, all I could do was experience the irony. then the anger.

what does she think she's doing?

then I realized, she may not have a clue what is really going on. she's only heard the Narcissist's side of the story. I'm the psycho bitch from hell, as far as she knows. I can only imagine the story he's woven for her.

when they dropped the kids off, her hands were shaking. she was nervous. I was rude... then I felt bad. she's just an innocent by-stander, someone seeing the product of smoke and mirrors, so I apologized. I hadn't meant to be rude, I just didn't know anyone else would be on this trip. she seemed nice. her kid was nice. my kids like them. this breaks my heart. I don't want this to go on, I don't want my kids to lose another family.

so, the dilemma.

on one hand, leave it alone, limit visitation for the well-being of the kids. our therapist said the less time spent with their dad, the better, for now. while we're building a healthy family. keep sorting out the lies and manipulations that will always be there, like promising them they can spend next summer with him.

on the other hand, send her a letter, tell her why I don't want her to come on visitation trips, and let her know some of the background... like the violence, the name-calling. like my son's issues and how well he's doing now that contact is limited. like how much I don't want my kids to get attached to her and her son because I don't think they'll be around long.

it's a dilemma, indeed.