if you explain something to a Narcissist, and you don't record it on film, did it really happen?
there are common threads in Colorado state agencies that I find interesting. I called to find out if the family support registry plans to collect the (now) over $5000 in child support arrears, and they plan to collect only $200 per month. I pointed out to them that it will take over 2 years to collect it, and I've borrowed money to cover it that is costing me more than that per month just in interest, and doesn't it seem like I've been used long enough as a revolving credit account for a man who has money to pay?
and then come the common threads:
1. you shouldn't count on child support to help you pay your bills (oh my god, duh. it IS the woman's job to raise the kids and it's the man's right to walk away. I forgot!)
2. did you try asking him to pay child support?
shit dude, I can't count how many times I've heard those. ok, skip #1 because I'm really sick of it. as for asking, how many times count as a YES in all capital letters? in the interest of making sure I'd thoroughly asked and could say YES in all capital letters, I tried asking again. several times by email (no answer) and once on the phone. (I'd just successfully blackmailed the Narcissist's 60% of school clothes by telling him to pay me ahead of time because I don't have ANY money, or the kids would go to school in rags and it would be all his fault, and I'd make sure everyone knew it was his fault. it worked for school clothes, so I foolishly thought, why not, let's try it for child support...) well, naturally he ignored my emails, and on the phone he replied that he's too broke and can't make ends meet. when I pointed out that he's been underpaying support for months and that's why I'm broke, he started yelling that we worked it out in court and I'd be getting more money, what more did I want from him? it degenerated from there and I hung up. I emailed him again and told him I'd just have to tell the kids' school that it's their dad's fault that they don't have school supplies because he's been withholding child support.
you know, it's amazing how if you appeal to a Narcissist's sense of reason, you get no reply or they put you down, because they think they've "got" you. if you belittle them (not too subtly or they won't get it) then they get defensive and make idiots of themselves. he emailed me back saying I was supposed to buy school supplies first, then clothes... huh? wtf? I really have no idea where he came up with that, or why he would think the order in which I buy things has anything to do with him withholding child support.
so I replied:
You’re entirely missing the point of what I’m saying, although I’ve explained it in very simple terms several times. Let me try again:
You’ve been underpaying child support for months, and on top of that you still owe me money from last year, so I’ve been paying your portion of child care. That means our kids do without things I would normally be able to provide for them, like clothes and school supplies. You’re currently over $5000 behind on child support. Just where do you think the money comes from to cover your share of the cost of raising them when you don’t pay? Obviously if I use my money on food and child care and I can’t pay for their school supplies, they’ll go without unless you man up and pay some of the money you owe me. And obviously they’ll be at school without school supplies tomorrow if I’m using my income to cover your share of expenses and can’t buy the supplies, now won’t they? So if you want them to have supplies, you can pay the full amount of child support you’re supposed to and some of the arrears you owe so I can use my income to cover my share of things, instead of covering for you while you skim off of us. It’s just lame when a man uses a woman to take care of his responsibilities and makes his kids do without. You’re worse than a chronically unemployed ghetto deadbeat dad, because you actually have the money to pay, you just don’t want your kids to get the benefit of it. You might have some people fooled with your whining about not being able to make ends meet, but I have less than you do to raise two kids with, and you’re one guy living on what we do (yes, even after you fork over $833/mo, because don’t forget, I don’t have a trust fund, and I take care of the kids instead of working an extra job — because yes, I feel that parenting is important — and I pay child care on top of food, housing, utilities, and gas to drive them around), so there’s no way listening to you whine will make me feel anything remotely like sympathy.
so, YES in all-fucking capital letters, because YES I've tried asking for the full amount of child support. it just doesn't WORK with Narcissistic IDIOTS.