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I didn't see it, therefore it either (a) doesn't exist, or (b) it's your fault

all those years I lived with my Narcissist, I learned a Very Important Truth:

if he didn't know something or do something, it was either because (a) it didn't actually exist in his universe or (b) I'd failed somehow to make sure he knew or did what he was supposed to.

case in point... our original divorce hearing was scheduled for January 3rd, 2005. I showed up, he didn't. now mind you, we'd already been separated and living apart for almost a year, and I'd done my best to end his unreasonable dependency on me. so when I asked hey, why didn't you show up for the hearing, he got angry and yelled at me for not reminding him about it.

so, yesterday was the status conference between my Narcissist and my lawyer. apparently my ex just didn't show up, and I wonder, I really wonder why.

could it be:
1. he didn't know? at one point in our marriage I found out the reason that our utilities got turned off is because he wasn't paying the bills. the bills were going in the trash, so that I wouldn't know that they weren't being paid. if this is a logic system he still employs, then throwing away any letters from my lawyer would absolve him of any responsibility for knowing. this, of course, will be my fault for not making sure he knows he's supposed to read his mail.

2. he didn't know? perhaps he moved in with Ronda and isn't picking up his mail. now, I wouldn't know about this because he hasn't given me a new address. I'd also think that he'd pick up his mail from his old roomie's house. however, if Ronda is dumb enough to let him move in with her when they haven't been dating long (if my calculations are right), then his mail is probably waiting for him at his old roomie's house. again, this will be my fault, for not making sure he knows he's supposed to read his mail.

3. he knows and just decided not to go? not likely, but I can't discount it out of hand. the only explanation that would make this answer viable is that he knows and is ignoring it, just like throwing bills away he's throwing knowledge away. now, I can't be at fault for that, can I? just like putting off paying child support because his needs are paramount, including his need to have fun, and nobody else's needs exist unless he wants them to, including our children's need to eat and my need to keep a roof over their heads... so he can make these legal issues go away simply because he doesn't want them to exist. I may as well face it, this would also be my fault. by some twist of logic he would make it my fault.

whichever is the answer makes no difference to me. new orders are being sent to him. every time he attempts to avoid this situation, it will be harder for him to dig out of the pit he's digging into. I'll be in court on the set date. I don't care if he is.

it's not my problem.