wow, you're dumb
ok, so my Narcissistic ex-husband with a capital N has a myspace page (what good Narcissist wouldn't?), and I check it once in a while to see if there's any useful dirt. there never is.
but, one important thing I noticed, and something that's consistant with NPD. our kids simply don't figure into his self-image as a person. at least not much. I've started to believe lately that if he isn't actively thinking about them at any given moment, they simply do not exist for him. he used to have the "I don't want children" selection active under his details, now it's "Proud parent", probably because he can't really use them to get sympathy from his karaoke bar friends if he doesn't seem to want them. if he's a proud parent, at least he can whine to people about how much he misses them.
Here's what he says about himself:
"I am sensitive guy that likes intellectual pursuits, exploring and enjoying life. My interests are all over the board. I like all kinds of music except real gangster rap stuff. I am easy going with an intense streak. No I am just intense. I rock climb every weekend. I go out and sing Karaoke several times a week. I love to sing David Bowie, Billy Idol, The Cars, and Rob Zombie. Not really looking for a girl friend. Too busy."
he comes across as a dumbass with a low IQ. not much of interest there, except the too busy for a girl friend thing is new. could explain why he's transferred his attention back to his kids.
then, under who I'd like to meet, he says:
"I have two children. A son 10 and a daughter 5. So you have to like kids. My kids are likeable."
so many things about that short paragraph stun me. the first thing that screams out as weirder than weird is the fact that his description of our kids are that they're "likeable". wtf, man. our kids are fucking amazing. if he could be bothered to take even a few minutes to really look at them as people, and not just as reflections of his own shallow self, he would see that our son has a very intellectual sense of humor, loves irony, collects words and has built up an amazing vocabulary, is very sensitive to criticism because of his dad's expectation of perfection, and is really creative about evading work, and he would see that our daughter is passionate, discerning, loves to laugh at herself, loves without reservations, has a highly developed conscience, high expectations of everyone, and has the mind of a mathmetician, an amazing mind that sees patterns everywhere.
he used to follow the "My kids are likeable" with "Give it a shot" which was really funny, since he rarely sees the kids since we moved away, so whoever he dates is unlikely to ever meet them. so whether they're likeable or complete monsters has nothing to do with dating chicks he meets on myspace (he still does have Dating selected under "Here for").
he was quite the happy-go-lucky guy, ignoring his obligations and skipping scheduled phone calls to the kids, until a few days ago when we had our third court hearing, the second regarding child support. he's lied at all three hearings and is now having a hissy fit since he's been caught and the court took my word over his for the first time (a clear head and a paper trail is all it took). it was pretty funny to see him back-pedal, tripping over his lies. his hissy fit is coming out all kinds of interesting ways, from leaving six messages in the span of a few hours for the kids (in search of self-validation, no doubt... he can't be a bad person for lying and stealing from his kids if he loves them enough to call them on the phone!), to replying to my emailed question about when he planned to drop the documents in the mail that the judge ordered him to with "Today. And by the way go FUCK YOUR SELF!!!!"
now, a few months ago a response like that would have left me hurt and confused by his unwillingness to work together to take care of the kids. when I found that in my inbox, I admit I laughed with delight. it actually struck me as funny that he would send that to me, that he assumed I'd care, that he struck out so predictably. his response was the same as saying "you're not fair! I can lie if I want! I have good reasons for lying, because if I don't, you won't let me have what I want! I don't want to follow the rules because I don't like you!"
it feels really good to look at the man who used to be the center of my universe and just think "wow, you're dumb" and not really feel anything toward him. not hate, not fear, not love, not even concern for his well-being. he's just something to be worked around now, something to be dealt with, like paying bills or cleaning the cat box.